Sorry for the mess. Am trying to change stuff here.:)
thought out by marianah at 6:13 AM
Just a simple hello today.
Trying to absorb myself in adding new stuff to the blog.
Will say hello again soon
thought out by marianah at 4:45 AM
Eat my hatred. Eat myself up. Puke at your words. Spit my tastebuds. Fuck your guts out. Scream my brains. Hurt my toes. Slash my forehead. Kiss my ass. Cut my jaw.
Get the fuck out.
Get the fuck out of me.
thought out by marianah at 3:42 AM
I just wish I can HATE you sometimes.
thought out by marianah at 3:38 AM
::The Chain Smoker::
I guess all I've been doing today is poisoning myself. I couldn't stop smoking today. I regretted buying that pack, Irene and me had a long lunch break, just sitting at that sunny humid coffee shop chatting. Link left earlier for an editing seminar.
I don't know why but my feelings are rather sucky nowadays. I tend to get paranoid...shit, hope I'm not becoming like....I won't say it. But it's pretty scary how I walk through my life these days. Like I don't have a destination. And Irene mention about this Brazilian writer who wrote this book called 'Veronica Decides To Die'. She said that the writer tried to show that suicidal people do not necessarily be depressed or hurt or anything like that. They sometimes have ideal lives we all dream about.
The only reason:- They don't find any purpose in life anymore.
So what's my purpose then? I really don't know...
thought out by marianah at 2:28 AM
Hey Hida
Yeah girl, my phone is actually alright. It's just yesterday I switched it off. It was my off day and so my phone gets a day off too. Just do not need for uneccessary calls from the office,u know what I mean. Spent the whole day to myself, not that bad at all.
You take care ya, we will all meet up soon. :)
thought out by marianah at 1:54 AM
::That Tori Atmosphere, Everybody else's Girl::
I wrote Link's scholarship's letter to the Arts Fund. He wanted to take up Film Literature and has already been accepted...
I feel sorry for him. I promised to write a good one. I pray they'll help him out.
He wrote down the points for me to elaborate,
*accepted by Beijing Film Academy
*half year course in Film Literature
*loves to write, film tv or anything
*poor, no money to pay fees...blah blah blah
Hmm...good ones. Anyway, I still managed to write him a decent letter which he liked a lot.
Irene came down to lend me her Tori Amos cd. She said she heard me listening to Fiona Apple, and thought I would like some Tori Amos. I loved every track of it. Thanks Irene. In return, I gave her the url for the Beat Generation Page that she was interested in getting to know.
'She's been everybody else's girl,
Maybe one day she'll be her own.."
Boy, don't I feel like that!
thought out by marianah at 9:14 PM
::The Bird Poo::
Yesterday sucks.
I went out with Feizha at 7, knowing that I'll be coming back to the office to finish dubbing and packaging the 600 tapes.
I was having PMS, and had not been eating well. My ciggarettes were stale, and my head throbbed.
I'm broke.
When I was walking back to then office around 9pm, a fucking bird with diarrhoea shat on my hair. I was almost in tears. So we stopped my a cheap store to grab a towel and small bottle of shampoo.
When I reached the office I was alone. I washed and scrubbed my hair, and sweared endlessly. I locked all the doors, went into the editing suite and tried to dub. No audio on first deck.
Was near to tears.
Started to remember about some creepy stories Feizha told me earlier. Scared myself shit.
Was even nearer to tears.
Left the deck to cool down for a while(maybe it overheated). Meddled around with the cables, packed some tapes.
Messaged Imran non stop to keep myself in touch.
Deck still doesn't work. Scared and freaked out. Crying. Imran stopped messaging. Maybe is already asleep. Went downstairs to surf for a while. Did little things to comfort self.
Called mum. She said there's no food at home, so I got to grab something for myself. My handphone is almost dead, and all sorts of ideas about dying alone without anyone knowing freaked me out even more.
Suddenly my phone rang. I jumped away from my horrid imaginations.
"Open the door, Mar. I'm outside." It was Imran, with his wind breaker and helmet standing outside in all his sincerity.
Of course, I knew then I won't die alone there. He put me to sleep and went ahead fixing the rest of the dubbing, and by the time I woke up it was almost 2am and was time to go home.
My day ended well, but one thing's for sure, I really hate birds for now.
thought out by marianah at 1:32 AM
::The Search of The Blue Balloons::
Had so much fun with Farah and Ravin on Saturday. Was supposed to go for the audition but at the last minutes decided not to. So had the usual laksa, and the fun started. It was tiring nevertheless, but we were inspired so much by the events that followed.
Ravin had to search for balloons. How many? No idea. But the only specifics - blue, and the holding sticks. It was hillarious. We were walking around town saying shit like "Ok, thats not important alright. What's more important now are the balloons." My legs were aching at the end of the day, but it was worth every minute of it. It actually took us a couple of hours just to find blue-only balloons.
And Ravin, don't get so mad... remember if it's not because of your mum's request for those helium-filled rubber, we wouldn't had came up with that brilliant idea.
Brilliant.
'Party Bandits' perhaps? :)
thought out by marianah at 3:22 AM