THAT FLOWER WATCH
Meeting Ravin today. Will be seeing Ah Seng as well.
Hope I'll feel better. Have to try to feel better.
Me and Im had another dispute yesterday night. I'm upset. I am wrong, I admit. But he was wrong, too.I can't imagine something so small if turned upside down can knock you really hard. At the same time, I was moved beyond anything.
He bought me a watch, which I suspected was because he just had a pay raise. But I didn't know he got me that. It was supposed to be a surprise sort of thing. But there was a pretty long story behind that purchase of that watch.
Its a really lovely looking watch. Purple, with flowers of pale pink and orange. Something he knew that I would typically loved to wear. A good choice. An almost perfect one. But before I got it, my boss handed me watch from Beijing Film Academy. It was plain and really lady-like. It was a gift nevertheless. I appreciate it. I saw disappointment in Im's eyes when I got the watch but I couldn't tell what. So I started saying that I don't actually like wearing watches and stuff, thinking that he might be sort of a little jealous of the situation.
But then, as we were browing through Bugis, we stopped at the watch section, and he was looking at this particular watch. Purple, with pale pink and orange flowers. It was a nice one, and a friend of mine had the exact same thing. It wasn't the fact that the watch wasn't pretty or lovely, -it is, but the fact that I've seen it before worn by someone else. So I went saying about how my friend has it, and diverted my attention to another bright red one, saying that the red one was really cool. If only I knew he had bought me that flower watch I would have kept my mouth shut, but then again how was I supposed to know...because I simply don't. Again, he seemed really disappointed and I don't know why...
But I know. All because he wanted to give me a little surprise. It wasn't just about the watch, but the whole thought behind it and what he must be feeling when I got another gift of the same kind, and what I said about his gift before I knew it was what he wanted to give me.
I am so sorry. I am so very sorry. But Im, you got me a really lovely thing to wrap my wrist around with, and now that it's given with all that thoughts and troubled feelings, I appreciate it even more.
You'll see wearing it everyday.
And for that, I say thank you. Really thank you.
thought out by marianah at 8:07 PM
I miss doing stupid useless things. But I guess I had my share the other day. Me and Im sat at Suntec fountain getting cheap thrills from our handphones. It was silly, but we laughed till our faces wrinkked. We were messing around with the voice tag feature, and having a hillarious time changing our names.
See, this is all we need. A few hours of laughter and you'll remember it for a long time to come.
You bust your ass off working day and night, and do you cherish it the way you cherish a few moments of laughter? I doubt so.
Had a short chat with Audrey just now. Her job sucks as well. I guess she's going through more than me. Gosh, I forgot to give her our its-all-gonna-be-okay hug, which we have been giving each other for years now.
Why is this phase of early twenties such a difficult one? My folks (or anyone as old) has this weird perception of people of my age are still out having a blast and a time of their lives outside. A life surrounded by happy, colorful, loud people, and times are spent just for the sake of fun. But it isn't like that at all. I find myself appreciating so much the brief times that are spent with friends nowadays, and I clutch to that memories so tightly just so it serves as a comfort in my daily chores.
I think I'm growing old too fast. Or rather prematurely.
thought out by marianah at 10:26 PM
I guess I'm losing my job pretty soon.
Cos the airlines do not require our services anymore.
Damn, I don't seem to have luck with jobs do I?
You know what...now I'm really thinking Thailand. The land of Tom Yam, galanga, lemon chicken and yes, cheap stuff. Read: really thinking..
I just read a reply from Kel to Farah, and honestly..I'm kinda mad. Kel, you are so full of yourself. I'm sorry to say this, but if you really give a shit about things, then like Farah said - sit down and think about your actions. I mean really think about it. Don't just fire aimlessly just to defend yourself, to make you feel safe. We all grow up Kel and have problems, some even much worse than this, but did you know about them? Did you bother? Or are you just too caught up with your own paranoia? And how long more are you gonna make those pills your best friend? Aren't you too old for such fads?
Argh..I better get my ass back to work and stop thinking about it. It's no use. Goin round and round in circles just to knock some sense into people.
thought out by marianah at 8:21 PM
Tired.
Tired. Really tired.
I really wanna write.
thought out by marianah at 1:15 AM
I have this habit of writing a lot of stuff and then throwing them away or deleting them. Hah…sounded like this particular article in Reader’s Digest about a music lecturer asking her students to write a paper on their views regarding classical pieces. She was telling them about this particular composer (gosh, I really can’t recall the name!), but anyway, it was about how frustrated he was when his music wasn’t appreciated the way he felt it should be. So finally, he wrote the most famous sonata of his, but then when he finished composing it on paper, he covered them back in white paint so there won’t be any traces it and he would be the only one to know of his masterpiece. He felt that was the only way his work could be treasured.
So, the funny thing was, when the music lecturer was grading the essays, she was surprised to see how a girl in her class had wrote a rather long essay, and then painstakingly covered each line of it with liquid paper. :-)
thought out by marianah at 8:06 PM
Maybe I'm quitting my job.
I know it sounds ridiculous, but I guess there are only some things I can swallow.
thought out by marianah at 9:12 AM
I just found out from Karen that the opening film for China Film Festival was actually a true story. She had a chat with Guo Keyu, the leading actress, but tragically, she was told that the ending was not as happy and blissful as it was onscreen.
In real life, the nice teacher did not actually take care of the boy, but he kinda like fended for himself. After the death of his father, he survived a few months before he passed away, due to cancer as well. It was genetic. I was rather shocked when I heard that, but I guess I knew why the director didn't put that bit in. It wasn't what all of us wanted to see.
Sigh... the harsh reality of life.
thought out by marianah at 8:17 AM
You are a very intense person. Most people find you hard to understand but those who know you well love you to bits.
Which Blogging Tool Are You?
thought out by marianah at 10:49 AM
Alone now.
Somehow I don't actually feel at ease. There's so much to be done still. Sometimes I wish I can stop everything here, and start something new.
But then again, life isn't always easy. It will never be easy. People push you around. You being pushed around.
Sometimes I just miss my mum.
Sometimes I wish I can have that whole feeling of anticipating a phonecall. The feeling I used to get before me and Im hooked up.
Sometimes I just wish I can wish myself back to the old Sarip days. No matter how depressed this gang was, we always managed to laugh our tummy outs or scared shit out of ourselves with those creepy stories at the end of the day.
Sometimes I wish I can be excited again at the sight of new cutesy/dirty/funky picture messages.
Sometimes I wish I have my old appetite. When I think I can eat anything and everything.
Sometimes I wish I was back at the 9th floor toilet my school, either with Rina, Fuzzy, Jamal,or Edryan. But not all together at once.
Sometimes I wish I can walk conveniently to Starbucks Plaza Sing, knowing for sure to see some bandits there.
Sigh. Heather Nova's right. And every dream is just a dream after all.
thought out by marianah at 7:53 AM
Trying to make some changes here...bored and out of place.
thought out by marianah at 5:07 AM
It's been a while since I update, but then again it's been a while since I had a good sleep too.
*Yawnsss*
Wrote a lovely email to Kelvin this morning. Was just upset. And I'm sure the rest are too. Am I right?
Gosh, am so tired. I slept over at the office on Saturday night after the China Film Fest Premiere. It was good to see everyone. I love them. Yeeling looks thinner though.
Imran took a really horrible picture of me when I was asleep. God, do I really look that bad?
Now the whole editing suite is faulty. Great. Not as if we had enough shit to handle.
I can't wait for Womad. Anyone for Womad raise your hands? Ah...almost everyone. :)
Brain dead.... sorry.
thought out by marianah at 11:27 PM
