Some people can really rot and go to hell for all that I care.
People like this should have been born retarded, harmless, or send away into an instituition made specially for these bastatrds who are obsessed and in love with themselves. They probably jerk off at the sight of their own reflections in the mirror.
I'm getting ready for Enroute soon. I have not even washed my dirty hair... and I'm incredibly groggy and sleepy. Maybe some partying later will cheer me up a bit..
thought out by marianah at 2:52 AM
I had a short, but pleasant time with Zein yesterday.
He commented that I need to gain some weight, but I think that was a hell of a compliment.
Half of my teenage years, -no, almost all of my teenage years I've been hoping for comments and remarks such as this, thinking that if I ever heard something like that sooner or later, I can declare myself successful..
Name it I tried...dieting, exercising, pills...but somehow they don't really work. I know for one thing that I'm not too fat or anything life threatening, but it's just this cliche, young girl's mindset about being as lanky as the catwalk beauties. Maybe I was one of those girls.
But Audrey somehow changed my mind a couple of months back. Audrey's the kind who can eat 5 meals a day, and though she can get a bit cautios sometimes, she usually seem to push that thought to the back of her head as soon as she sees a yummy, sinful foodie in front of her. And I admire her for that.
She told me and Sandra, "Hey, come on. At the end of the day you're gonna die. Everyone's gonna die. Don't you think you rather die eating the yummiest food, or you rather die craving for this and that? If you're not going to love your body more than yourself than who will?"
That changed me. I stopped (well almost) worrying about what goes into my mouth, and if I have done enough to burn my fats for the day. And almost miraculously, I started shedding some of my excess baggage, without doing anything. Well, maybe not. I just walk alot. Yeah, that was it. It's not that difficult at all. I'm able to fit into my old pants, skirts that I thought would rot in my wardrobe.
It feels good, no doubt. But it wasn't the kind of feeling I expected. It was more of I'm satisfied with myself. I am satisified that I don't develop stomach ulcers, or puke every single time something goes into my system. I am satisfied that I don't splurge on diet pills or tire the shit out of me to run miles or do painful sit ups. I am satisfied that I had it my way. Maybe I was just lucky.
Even now, I keep stuffing myself every single day with Pocky Strawberry Sticks even when Link told me it contains a sweetener that may cause cancer...hmm...I wonder if his smoking might do the same harm...
thought out by marianah at 8:06 PM
Fine Shane, be like that. Love your cough syrups and get high. Leave me alone for a while.
One advice: Grow up,baby.
Hey, Hafez Wonder boy has some surprises and treats coming up, doesn't he? Ooops, am I supposed to *sshhhh*? Ha ha.
I can't wait for Enroute. Hope I'll bump into Kusha and Mayah. Maybe Jamal might be there, too. Zein might be bringing a chic he met last week, he'll introduce her, -can't wait. Boy Wonder is going, hopefully Shahreil will go along and stop trying his luck with *you-know-what* and have fun. And hopefully Farah can make it before 10pm if she's going.
But most of all, I can't wait to bump into Imran...
These days it pained me to think about what has happened, but I've learnt that forgiving is not something you can always do. It's not an easy process if it becomes a common thing. You have to learn to accept, -no, you have to be able to accept.
No, that's not it. You just have to accept.
We talked a while last night, and that makes me happy. It was nice. It was like usual. But that didn't make me stop from crying to sleep.
I hope I'll bump into him there. After all, that was where we first had met. Maybe it will start all over again. Maybe he'll flash his smile that I fell for then, introduce himself, shake my hand, and it'll start all over again.
I love him.
thought out by marianah at 10:33 PM
I think I'm going for Enroute.
Zein's going, Feizha's going. A few other friend's friends are going. So we'll see about that.
Charlie's going too, with Shane...*excuse me while I roll my eyes*
Hope it'll be fun. Anyone else coming along?
thought out by marianah at 2:41 AM
Hello Missy Drownsoda, hope u're good, and I miss some bitching with you.
And yes, Missy Drownsoda, I met up with Missy Fuzzy Angel and Missy Nashie Sunshine yesterday, as for your info, Missy Nashie Sunshine is gonna start shining her rays in downunder from 20th June, and will not be here for a year or so. So pay your respects before the sun sets. :)
Hey, Missy Drownsoda, do send me more surprises in my email so I can try to put them up. I'm still loading some up, but it'll take some time, you know me.
I miss you Missy Drownsoda, and you better treat my cousin nice. :)
Ps. On another note, Shane, to hell with you. :)
thought out by marianah at 10:26 PM
Am I at peace?
Well, not really.
Swee Poh is starting to call me 'Amber'...
Thanks Ravin... for that bitchy role in your 'Ambivalence'
thought out by marianah at 3:21 AM
Limitless, Undying love
which shines before me like a million suns,
they call me on and on
Across the Universe..-The Beatles
Beautiful isn't it?
thought out by marianah at 3:14 AM
I'm getting sick.
Well, Sundays are eating days anyway...I don't really feel guilty about pigging out on Sundays. Considering that for the rest of the week I don't really eat that much.
Imran and me are having some time away from each other for a while. No matter how difficult it's gonna be for us, I feel this is the right thing to do this very moment. True, I miss him so much I have to put up a fight with the frequent tear blinking sessions. I miss being pampered that I don't even feel good going home alone nowadays, and most of all, I just miss his presence. I hope this would be a healthy getaway for us. I hope things would be better than before. Don't the rest of the world live on hope just like me?
He doesn't even call. I don't even messaged. But deep deep down inside, I know that we're both hoping. And that gives me hope.
"You think I leave your side, baby?
You know me better than that.
You think I leave you down when you're down on your knees?
I wouldn't do that." -Sade
thought out by marianah at 6:52 AM